So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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