I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
