After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize