Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
