the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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