That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize