I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
