bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
