i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
