started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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