it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
