I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
