Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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