Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
