Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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