i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
