I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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