A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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