That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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