Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
