member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
