After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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