Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
