Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
