ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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