trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
