Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
