I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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