that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
