from now on my penis is your penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
