Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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