I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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