Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize