you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
