I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Less talking, more tequila
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i think i just lost a toe
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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