Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
