i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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