It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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