Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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