He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
