I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
