If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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