just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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