fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All I want is dick and wine.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
