I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
