I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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