Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
