I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
