Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
