Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
