the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
