Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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