I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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