he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
