Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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