i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex on a dog bed..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
