Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
