I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
