He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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