At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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