Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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