What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize