Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
