I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
