i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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