Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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