she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
