I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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