Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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