I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize