you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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