Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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