and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
