they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
