At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
